for when you don't know what else to say

Friday, September 15, 2006

Fall TV Preview

I'm an admitted television junkie. Always have been, always will be. At the start of each new season, I figure out what new things I'm going to try. Thankfully, the DVR era means that I am able to at least maintain some favorites when television executives decide to schedule everything of note in the same three timeslots. Here now is a look at what I'll be watching (for a little while at least). In a few weeks, the herd will thin out considerably.

  • The Amazing Race: The best competitive reality show out there, and the one I am least ashamed to admit watching. I look forward every episode to seeing what kind of khaki pants Phil will be rockin'.

  • The Class/How I Met Your Mother: HIMYM is a reliably funny show (viva Neil Patrick Harris!), and I'll give The Class a try. After all, one of the stars is a friend of a friend who actually catsit for me a few years ago. How better to express my continued gratitude than to catch his show?

  • Heroes: The sci-fi dorky angle of this show really appeals to me, so I'll give it a gander. Plus Sean from Felicity, aka Agent Weiss from Alias, aka the pilot guy from Lost, Greg Grunberg, is scheduled to appear. Smoothaise!

  • Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip: Spencer really wants to watch this, diehard West Wing fan that he is, so I'll check this one out. It won't distract me, however, from my true love...

  • CSI: Miami: Horatio Caine is back! And he starts this sure to be cheesetastic season in Brazil of all places, bringing his suave brand of overacting monotone to South America. Perhaps there they will understand his fiery hands-on-hips law enforcement bluster. This is easily the most unintentionally hilarious show on network TV, and I intend to stick with it until the last poorly-edited, club-thumping labwork montage airs.

  • Gilmore Girls/Veronica Mars: The Cool Girls Power Hours are united at last on The CW, and I couldn't be more excited!

  • House: We watch House, because House is awesomely cranky and sarcastic and mean. This beats out Law & Order: D'Onofrio, simply because as much as I love the D'Onofrio, CI is on 12 hours a day on basic cable.

  • Bones: It's not the best show, but the cast is fun, and I have to support my beloved Angel. He's looking pretty hot these days, less vampire bloat to him.

  • Jericho: This looks interesting, and since it appears to touch on the "is it, like, the end of civilization?" vibe I explored in my shitty first attempt at a young adult novel, I've got to check it out.

  • Lost: Yeah, it can be frustrating, but it's still one of the best shows on the air. I hear Desmond is going to be on a lot, so that's a plus for me.

  • My Name is Earl/The Office: Two great tastes that taste great together.

  • Ugly Betty: The word on this is good, and it should be right up my alley.

  • Grey's Anatomy: I'm absolutely hooked on this show, and there's no hope for me. I'm going to have to either tape The OC, or say goodbye to it once and for all because I can't not watch.

  • Supernatural: Pretty, pretty boys fighting ghosts and assorted creepiness! In a muscle car! To a classic rock soundtrack! With their hunky and troubled dad! How can I resist?

  • Watching Nothing At All: Now that's an easy thing to commit to.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

"Why Don't You Just Tell Me The Movie You're Trying To See"

Finally, Hollywood condenses a year of crappy movies into one stellar production. What a time saver! Can't wait to see this one.

Friday, September 08, 2006

I Turn My Camera On (some more)

Here's another entry in my casual and poorly photographed cell phone travel series. Driving through the suburbs, I caught sight of this curiously named ambulance company's van. This inspired many troubling questions as we sat together at the light and I tried to work out possible ProLife Ambulance taglines.

  • ProLife Ambulance: Jeopardizing female reproductive rights since 1992.

  • Tired of EMTs accidentally giving you abortions? Call ProLife today!

  • "When the Lord strikes me down for preaching a gospel of hatred, I know ProLife's team will have my back." - Pat Robertson

  • ProLife Ambulance: 'Cause Anti-Death sounds morbid.

  • When you absolutely, positively have to survive the ride to the hospital.

  • ProLife Ambulance: Saving the Delaware Valley from Contraception for over 15 Years

  • Free to be: Anti-choice (my apologies to the CW)

  • ProLife: We'll try really hard not to kill you.

Maybe I can get a freelance consulting gig out of this. Do you have any other slogan ideas?
If we get a decent one put together, the jingle will come quite easily. After all, I can always model on that insipid W.B. Mason office supply commercial.

Office Supply Swag

The culture of swag is a venerable institution which has been under attack for some time now. Because the world is a totally logical place to live in, the only citizens to receive free awesome stuff are the only citizens who could have afforded to buy it retail in the first place. Stories about Jessica Simpson being a gift hog have been in the press for a while, and her disgusting VMA haul is legendary at this point.

Now that the IRS has laid down the law regarding the taxation of gift bags, I am faced with a terrible dilemma. When an office worker receives a fame-appropriate level free gift from an office supply warehouse, must she declare it on her 1040? Also, should she even acknowlege the swag when it's this:

Sadly, no hand sanitizer was included in the package. It's just a lonely dispenser, and since I have too much ambition to put it on my office wall as a joke, I'm afraid it will go on unused. I guess that's what yard sales are for.