for when you don't know what else to say

Friday, December 30, 2005

On a dorky side note...

In the course of doing painstaking research on my last piece, I got to read the editor's comments on Wil Wheaton's autobiography entitled Just a Geek. The review mentions highlights which include "the struggle between Wesley Crusher, Starfleet ensign, and Wil Wheaton, author and blogger - Moving tales of Wil's relationships with his wife, step-children, and extended family - Gut-wrenching reactions to the 9-11 disaster." This book is a must read for Star Trek: The Next Generation fans, stalkers looking to use Wil's relationships to their advantage, AND recent event historians looking to beef up their "Pointless Celebrity Reflections on 9-11" reading list.

"Wil Wheaton--celebrity, blogger, and geek--writes for the geek in all of us." Pick up a copy today!

Dogs Don't Strengthen Bones; They Chew On Them! And Then Crap On Your Shoes.

Continuing my bumper sticker rageout theme, I saw this atrocity at the stop light on the way into work:

I'm giving this car a pass on the troop support and the ginormous American flag, because from the size of them, they are probably obscuring major body damage. The left side of the window has two milk ad "puns". The top one, "got pugs?" is atrocious, but at least that follows the syllabic structure of the original ad. The bottom one is what really set me off. "got wheatens?" Yeesh! First off, the parody doesn't work if you don't respect the confines of the syllables. If you could say "got wheatens" then you could also say "got car wax" or "got thighmaster coupons" or "got the key to the luggage from the bottom of your handbag," and being able to say that breeds chaos.

Second, I'm sure that relatively obscure breed of dog is adorable to its owners, but is it really as important to your health as milk? The last time I checked, dogs don't provide calcium or help prevent osteoporosis. Do you really need to highlight that fact by immortalizing it in a sticker?

Also, does Wesley Crusher know that people need him to survive? Bada bing! I'll be here all night!

I'm newly committed to bringing my loyal reader more of these moving violations as I come across them, all with the help of my trusty cell phone camera. Ah, guerrilla journalism at its finest!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Pitt's Isle of Elba

Lloyd Grove, the awesome gossip columnist who banned Paris Hilton from his column last year has set his sights on another big gossip target. Now he has gone and banned Brad Pitt. The best part about this? Defamer has compiled photographic proof to back up his assertion that Pitt is just a chameleon with no style personality of his own. Pretty funny stuff. This piece on the same site says he's been banished to Oxnard of all places. He's really taking this hard.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The True Story of Christmas

Or at least how it came to Eternia. I probably watched this as a child, but I've repressed the memory somehow. I loved He-Man, and even love to hate on the feature film adaptation starring Courtney Cox and Dolph Lundgren. But I just don't remember ever seeing this. Thank God it's available on DVD!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

This Will Brighten Your Day

Something other than Weekend Update to laugh at on SNL. I know, hard to believe!

Reason #4,632 To Consider Canada

Bush is up in the polls? How can my fellow Americans still believe in this guy? Even ultra-conservatives are hilariously angry at him for being anti-Christmas (which is really the lamest charge you can lay at his feet). And now with his special, Constitution-ignoring, Congress-hatin' domestic spying initiative, he should have few allies left. Please, will someone important enough to be heard take this man to task for violating not only the law, but the privacy of the people? He ran both times with several planks of his platform calling for people to control their own lives (except for women, who of course can't be trusted with their own bodies). There comes a point when I have to question the sanity of anyone who can remain loyal to someone who has so compromised our country and violated our trust. Why am I not hearing any talk of impeachment?

I challenge neocons and Republicans and conservatives of all stripes who still support this guy to try to take a moment, and imagine how they would feel if Bill Clinton had done the same things. Whatever your political leanings, this man and his administration have lied to the public repeatedly. They have put our friends and family in harm's way at home and abroad. They have worked steadily on only one domestic issue: to consolidate the already considerable wealth and influence of their cronies. They do not want to participate in any form of intelligent debate (even with their Republican brethren), and if you dare to have a different opinion or ask questions, they will run you out of the party. They have shown a criminal disregard for the will of the public and the letter of the law. They have politicized family disputes to draw attention away from their horribly miscalculated war. They have demonstrated more interest in smear campaigns and political power grabs than actual public policy discourse. They have done real, calculable damage to this country, and we still have three years of this left.

I predict in a few years, once historians and reporters and citizens finally get to figure out what he's been up to, Dubya will make Nixon look like a misunderstood saint. What we're getting a whiff of now, is only the tip of the iceberg.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Oh, Fez.

Fez is going to be Francis "Ponch" Poncherello? There are so many problems with this. First, Ponch should be sexy in a cheesy way and nicely fill out some tight-ass cop pants. Second, Ponch does not require an effeminate lisp. Third, ewwww. Who's going to play Jon Baker? Himbo extraordinaire Paul Walker? Please Hollywood, could you just try to restrain yourself from taking a dump on all of the things I loved as a child? Leave CHiPs alone.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Last Time This Week, I Swear

Not only has Jodie Sweetin moved up to 3rd on the MSN search list, but the World's Ugliest Dog has finally outpaced Jessica Simpson. If Jodie can move up to second in front of Jess, we could be witnessing the beginning of the end of her media dominance (I hope). My advice to Jodie: a quicky Las Vegas marriage to Nick Lachey - STAT! Wow, it's a sad world when Stephanie Tanner and an Ugly Dog are working over Simpson Sister #1 on the search engines.