for when you don't know what else to say

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Golden Oldie: Steal This Movie

Being a green friendly person, I'm going to recycle some pieces I wrote in the past. Today's blast from the past: Steal This Movie.

Steal This Movie

I have achieved minor success as a part-time agent for the up and coming actor Giancarlo Panini (see Jersey Girl...he's the fourth blurred face from the right in the big finale scene). But my ultimate success in Hollywood will not involve being a powerbroker. See, what I really want to do is direct.

And write. But that'll be a necessity given the stories I want to tell. Here are some of the projects I am working on. Don't take my ideas though. I will sue the pants off any bitches who mess with my intellectual property, hear?

Tornado Busters

A young team of maverick meteorological superstars travels across the plains of our great nation, studying tornadoes. Along the way they hook up with a strange backwater mystic, who may have the key to killing tornadoes dead. Should they fool with the forces of nature, or allow chaos and destruction to run rampant through the country's finer trailer parks? With lead "raindancer" Carter Baxter on the case, tornadoes don't stand a chance.

Start Truck: The Movie
A cynical twentysomething who mocks Trekkies gets sucked into a vortex emanating from the local Payless Shoesource. At the end of this swirly psychedelic rainbow from hell lies the planet Ffurdnad, a slightly Scandinavian place located just to the left of the Milky Way. She finds herself imprisoned with two other Payless shoppers: a construction worker with abs of steel and a pasty Trekkie. With galactic political intrigue and weird-ass looking aliens, she's clearly out of her element. Can she learn the rules of this new game to get home with her new friends? And can she learn to trust her heart, which may lead her, ironically enough, down Trekkie way? Only time will tell, when traveling on this Start Truck.

You, Robot, You
If you loved Will Smith's star turn in an adaptation of "I, Robot," then good for you. This story is quite different, so feel free to see them both. On the rough streets of Center City Philadelphia, the only way to survive is to learn the most basic of urban skills: the robot. Riff, a failed session guitarist, runs a class at the Gershman Y that teaches kids from the street how to move. His whole world is changed when Nico, a tough kid from Ardmore, enters the studio reluctantly. Never before has Riff seen such raw talent. Can he break through Nico's walls and reach the wounded trust fund baby beneath the snarling body-odorrific exterior in time for the annual CVS Seasonal Candy Aisle Robot Dancing Championship? Can Nico seal the deal with Anissa, the fiesty flamenco dancer from Fishtown who uses the studio when the robot class is done? Will the Gershman Y be saved from an evil developer's condo plans by a community fundraising dance-off? You, Robot, You brings to vivid life the trials and tribulations of a spunky group of body-rockin' upstarts.

So, whaddya think? I really think the robot dancing movie could have a real shot at success, mainly because I plan to make it in the tradition of Footloose, only better, with awesome clothes and a much more Oscar-worthy feel. Hollywood, here I come!


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