Come Together/Right Now/Over Cheese

This was just forwarded to me from my New Jersey Correspondents, Vik and Cala. Finally, someone has provided some common ground for fans of Lost and Weird Al Yankovic. Enjoy the lunacy.

You Only Look 45

My birthday is today, so I am now 30. But I hear 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, so maybe I can put off the angst for another 10 years. To celebrate, I have changed my profile picture to Don Johnson in his "Heartbeat" video. First of all, looking at Tom Cruise these days no longer fills me with crazy-man astonished glee. With the genetically-engineered-for-brainwashed-cultism Tomkitten now imminent, it just makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Secondly, Don Johnson's show Just Legal was just cancelled. With our stubly supply line of cheese cut-off so abruptly, I thought I'd put more of his energy out into the universe. You probably didn't know the show was even on the air, but that same sentence could also describe the last few seasons of Nash Bridges.

How Special For Him

The headline reads "Millionaire Senator Just Got Richer Thanks To Powerball." At least we have it confirmed that these things only happen to people who are already rich, old people who are very near death and unable to properly enjoy the wealth, or groups of litigious co-workers destined to waste all of the money in lawsuits about the money. My Powerball dreams, needless to say, did not come true and I had to still go to my 8:00 AM meeting. Stupid lottery.

Mitch Buchanan Queso Queso

This directory site gives you access to movie posters for films David Hasselhoff should be making, as well as all manner of awesomely misguided fan worship from down under. I haven't laughed this hard in forever. God bless Michael Knight!

P.S. This man is an unstoppable force. He's even got his own entry (x2) in the Urban Dictionary.

Mama Said Knock You Out

My good friend Ted just sent me this awesomely bad news that Rocky VI is in pre-production. I had heard about this, but I was cautiously pessimistic about this coming to pass. Now that it's here, I can't wait to see the elderly Italian Stallion hocking his pugilistic wares again onscreen. I'm going to hazard a guess that subplots will include bureaucratic Medicare nightmares, an inspirational trip to Paulie's nursing home, and a stint as the AARP's spokesfighter. If enough of us go on opening weekend, I think he might be able to make a space epic next. Maybe Rocky goes to Mars with Paulie's cryogenically preserved then reanimated (in the second act) head in a jar, still making insensitive comments and Philariffic wisecracks. Rock is determined to open up a gym on Mars, cause the colonists wouldn't know good boxing from terraforming. Can he prove he's got what it takes to shape up the galaxy? Will Apollo Creed's grandson consent to become his number one pupil? And will Paulie shut up already? Find out what's in store for Balboa in Rocky VII: Intergalactic, Alive and Kicking (Really).

Gathering No Moss

Oh, you Rolling Stones. You sly, geriatric, manorexic rock gods. Just when I thought you couldn't get any more commercial, you come up with the brilliant idea to cross-market to Days of Our Lives fans. I realize that you and DOOL are both pop culture institutions celebrating 40 years of entertaining the masses, and I congratulate you both on your success and your publicists' successful efforts to get that tenuous connection into all the press coverage. But don't you find that strategy a little strange? While it makes perfect sense to me that "Wild Horses" would be playing while John Black lustily gazes at Dr. Marlena Evans, I just can't see Victor Kiriakis imitating Mick's chicken wing dancing style to "Jumping Jack Flash," which he blasts through the hidden boom box in his mansion's attic. Inspired? No. Ridiculous? Yes. But then again, that pretty much describes the current state of both institutions.

The Greatest Idea, Like, Ever

I've actually had this idea before, of performing the Buffy musical on stage, but it was more of a daydream than a coherent "how can we make this happen" strategy session. Anyone up for producing a Philly version?

Addictive AND Wasteful

As if there's any addiction that isn't wasteful. Other than being addicted to like, riding a bike instead of driving. Anyway, I just spent some time voting on the supposed Celebrity Lookalikes on the Arizona Republic homepage. I dare you to turn away from the exquisite self-delusion! I love it!

The Junk On Your Trunk

I think the ribbon and magnetic cause car ribbon phenomenon is out of control. On the way in to work, I actually saw a "puzzle" design for Autism and a flaming ribbon for firefighters in addition to the standard Support the Troops magnet. Don't get me wrong. I think it's important and vital to declare what you believe in, but it's getting insane. Look at this list I found online of what ribbons colors signify:

• Royal Blue: Child Abuse, Water Quality, Crime Victim Rights
  
• Red: AIDS/HIV, DUI Awareness, Substance Abuse, Epidermolysis Bullosa
  
• Yellow: Come Home, POW/MIA, Support, Equality, Endometriosis, Adoptive Parent, Teen Suicide, Spina Bifada
  
• Lt. Blue: Prostate Cancer, Scleroderma
  
• Pink: Cancer, Breast Cancer, Birth Parents
  
• Green: Ecology,Environment, Organ Donor, Ovarian Cancer, Missing Children, Leukemia, Childhood Depression
  
• Orange: Racial Tolerance, Cultural Diversity, Feed the Nation, Highway Safety
  
• Black: Mourning, In Memoriam, Melanoma
  
• Gray: Urban Violence, Brachial Plexus
  
• Purple: Violence, Children with disabilities, Domestic Violence, Pancreatic Cancer
  
• White: Right to Life, Alzheimer's, Adoptee, Diabetes, Student Sexual Assault, Child Exploitation and Abuse
  
• Gold: Childhood Cancer
  
• Brown: Colorectal Cancer
  
• Off Pink: Bone Osteoporosis
  
• Teal: Ovarian Cancer

While it's amusing that the colors have to be shared now by several causes, this clearly illustrates that we need to find new ways to express support. I remember back in college, when ribbon wearing was relatively new and the only causes in that game were AIDS and breast cancer awareness, the first time I thought the symbolism was being lost. Some student had jaywalked into the middle of a busy street on campus and consequently was hit by a car. As the jaywalker lay in a coma induced by his own hatred of crosswalks, his friends went around the dining hall passing out these white ribbons to wear in support. I was confused. Were we supporting coma victims, jaywalkers, or the right of jaywalkers to become coma victims?

Looking at the list above, I wonder if some of the causes chose colors so that it would seem like more people were aware of their issue when they're really supporting another (I'm looking at you, Endometriosis and Epidermolysis Bullosa). Like on another day at college when the LGBA declared that on that day, wearing jeans meant you were down with all manner of gay rights. Again, the majority may happen to be in favor of it, but by choosing the most common item for any college student to pull on in the morning, you're kinda stacking the deck.

I'm making a brand new, totally unique magnet for my car:

EVOO

I just reserved my subscription for Racheal Ray's new magazine! That will be the first ever non-fashion, non-entertainment magazine I have ever subscribed to. I love 30 minute meals and she's such a fun person. Very perky, but somehow not at all annoying. I think it's the real person vibe she gives off. And the ease with which she creates quick versions of delicious dishes with commonly occurring ingredients.

Apocalypse Now: Tomkat Edition

Is this the third or fourth sign that the end is nigh? I can't remember and I don't feel like locating a Bible to check.

Hmmmmm...I Should Put My Resume On Bush's Desk

Apparently, you don't need to have ever been an actual judge to become one of the most powerful judges in the land.

I Love Being Right

Serenity really was great, and all the people I made watch it enjoyed it. Plus all the people I subtly suggested should see it, went to see it and loved it too. You really don't need to be a hardcore Firefly watcher to enjoy yourself. All the people I recommended it to had little to no knowledge whatsoever of the series and thought it was fantastic. Good going Joss! If you haven't gone yet, get to the theater. You won't be disappointed.