Previewing the garbage, so you don't have to

Before you accidentally go to a really bad movie this spring, please check out Fametracker's Ten Least Essential Spring Films, 2006. For those of you who sometimes want to experience horrible cinema, please consider this a future Saturday night rental cheat sheet.

Adventures in Parking

Why oh why have shopping centers decided to create another class of parking? I snapped this at the Genuardi's near work. From my experience in the real world, I can tell you that having children does not equate with being disabled. Therefore, I really think it is unfair to reward people who are toting little tantrum machines into a supermarket with the same level of parking power. It was their choice to have a child who makes getting into and out of cars a less streamlined process. If anything, the people who come in to the store by themselves and don't bring little sidekicks to make a fuss and try to shoplift whatever candy is down at eye-level in the checkout line deserve special parking. People like me.

I am resolved to park whenever possible in the "customer with child" parking section. Who's going to stop me? The Genuardi's Parking Police? Bring it on!

Say it ain't so, Julie

With the NHL betting scandal hitting the news, an American hero has been called to question. No, not that thuggish assistant coach guy. I’m talking about Janet Jones, an actress better known to all of us as American Anthem’s plucky gymnastics champion Julie Lloyd.

I am saddened by this news, because I always thought that Julie, I mean Janet, was just a perky yet edgy gymnast, I mean actress, who fell in love with a dreamy Mitch Gaylord, I mean Wayne Gretzky. After reading more, I decided to try and separate the real life gymnast, I mean actress, from the fictional hockey wife, I mean gymnast.

Janet Jones is indeed an actress with a resume bursting with street cred. She started out playing the crucial role of Witchwoman #3 in The Beastmaster, a film most notable for putting the guy from V in a prehistoric diaper. She then became Carla Samson in The Flamingo Kid. I don’t know which character that is, but based on the rest of the movie, she probably wasn’t wearing a ton of clothes. She then graduated to the cast of A Chorus Line where she played Judy. I don’t know which character Judy was, but I’m pretty sure it involved a leotard and a star-spangled hat. Later in her career she would slum it in Police Academy 5 and then portray “Racine Pitcher” in A League of Their Own. Ouch.

In 1985 though, Jones got to play American Anthem’s saucy rebel gymnast from New York in what would become her signature role. She travels to the wilds of Arizona to train with the awesome Mitch Gaylord as Steve Tevere. They of course fall into a hot passionate love affair, as gymnasts are wont to do, and they inspire each other to new flipping heights. Julie couldn’t get into the team spirit, and as hard as Coach Soranhoff tried, she could not conform to their ways. Luckily though, her friend with mobility issues who looks like a body double for Eric Stoltz in Mask is an ass-kicking synthesizer wiz. His totally awesome totally 80s music is revolutionary and brazen, but it’s just the inspiration she needs to kick ass on the floor exercise, putting her personal demons to rest and allowing her to have fun as a member of a great team. She even places first and goes to the Olympics! What a performance. She deserved an Oscar just for listening to The Gaylord’s troubled home life speeches without cracking up. I can’t believe I don’t have this excellent movie on DVD. Yet.

Anyway, so I’m hoping Julie Lloyd is innocent. But if she needs to go in front of a Senate panel on the subject, I suggest that she brings that awesome, totally uplifting floor routine with her.

Law & Order Gets Romantic

Someone sent me a link to the funniest Valentine's cards since those horrible Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers ones I bought (ironically of course) several years ago. Unfortunately, they aren't for sale anymore so I can't get them for myself. The images are still up to enjoy though...click on the artwork, cycle through them and enjoy positive messages of love delivered by your favorite Law & Order SVU characters.