for when you don't know what else to say

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Say it ain't so, Julie

With the NHL betting scandal hitting the news, an American hero has been called to question. No, not that thuggish assistant coach guy. I’m talking about Janet Jones, an actress better known to all of us as American Anthem’s plucky gymnastics champion Julie Lloyd.

I am saddened by this news, because I always thought that Julie, I mean Janet, was just a perky yet edgy gymnast, I mean actress, who fell in love with a dreamy Mitch Gaylord, I mean Wayne Gretzky. After reading more, I decided to try and separate the real life gymnast, I mean actress, from the fictional hockey wife, I mean gymnast.

Janet Jones is indeed an actress with a resume bursting with street cred. She started out playing the crucial role of Witchwoman #3 in The Beastmaster, a film most notable for putting the guy from V in a prehistoric diaper. She then became Carla Samson in The Flamingo Kid. I don’t know which character that is, but based on the rest of the movie, she probably wasn’t wearing a ton of clothes. She then graduated to the cast of A Chorus Line where she played Judy. I don’t know which character Judy was, but I’m pretty sure it involved a leotard and a star-spangled hat. Later in her career she would slum it in Police Academy 5 and then portray “Racine Pitcher” in A League of Their Own. Ouch.

In 1985 though, Jones got to play American Anthem’s saucy rebel gymnast from New York in what would become her signature role. She travels to the wilds of Arizona to train with the awesome Mitch Gaylord as Steve Tevere. They of course fall into a hot passionate love affair, as gymnasts are wont to do, and they inspire each other to new flipping heights. Julie couldn’t get into the team spirit, and as hard as Coach Soranhoff tried, she could not conform to their ways. Luckily though, her friend with mobility issues who looks like a body double for Eric Stoltz in Mask is an ass-kicking synthesizer wiz. His totally awesome totally 80s music is revolutionary and brazen, but it’s just the inspiration she needs to kick ass on the floor exercise, putting her personal demons to rest and allowing her to have fun as a member of a great team. She even places first and goes to the Olympics! What a performance. She deserved an Oscar just for listening to The Gaylord’s troubled home life speeches without cracking up. I can’t believe I don’t have this excellent movie on DVD. Yet.

Anyway, so I’m hoping Julie Lloyd is innocent. But if she needs to go in front of a Senate panel on the subject, I suggest that she brings that awesome, totally uplifting floor routine with her.


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