Oh, Fez.

Fez is going to be Francis "Ponch" Poncherello? There are so many problems with this. First, Ponch should be sexy in a cheesy way and nicely fill out some tight-ass cop pants. Second, Ponch does not require an effeminate lisp. Third, ewwww. Who's going to play Jon Baker? Himbo extraordinaire Paul Walker? Please Hollywood, could you just try to restrain yourself from taking a dump on all of the things I loved as a child? Leave CHiPs alone.