for when you don't know what else to say

Friday, December 30, 2005

Dogs Don't Strengthen Bones; They Chew On Them! And Then Crap On Your Shoes.

Continuing my bumper sticker rageout theme, I saw this atrocity at the stop light on the way into work:

I'm giving this car a pass on the troop support and the ginormous American flag, because from the size of them, they are probably obscuring major body damage. The left side of the window has two milk ad "puns". The top one, "got pugs?" is atrocious, but at least that follows the syllabic structure of the original ad. The bottom one is what really set me off. "got wheatens?" Yeesh! First off, the parody doesn't work if you don't respect the confines of the syllables. If you could say "got wheatens" then you could also say "got car wax" or "got thighmaster coupons" or "got the key to the luggage from the bottom of your handbag," and being able to say that breeds chaos.

Second, I'm sure that relatively obscure breed of dog is adorable to its owners, but is it really as important to your health as milk? The last time I checked, dogs don't provide calcium or help prevent osteoporosis. Do you really need to highlight that fact by immortalizing it in a sticker?

Also, does Wesley Crusher know that people need him to survive? Bada bing! I'll be here all night!

I'm newly committed to bringing my loyal reader more of these moving violations as I come across them, all with the help of my trusty cell phone camera. Ah, guerrilla journalism at its finest!


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