for when you don't know what else to say

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I Even Hated Happy, The Dog (Who Was The Smartest One, BTW)

7th Heaven ended its reign of terror last night, and sane America breathed a collective sigh of relief. This show was one that my old roommate and I used to watch in order to cackle at the horrendous acting and get outraged at the moralizing. Oh yeah, and to sing the stupid theme song to each other in thick semi-drawls.

The Camdens were the biggest hypocrites on the planet, particularly when it came to sex. It's the only show I can think of that forced characters as young as 9 to contemplate their own dating lives. The mother was a horrible screeching harridan, who gave menopause a bad name. The father was a stalking lunatic. The annoying and infinitely stupid kids were sexualized way too early, and then given abstinence-only lessons on how WRONG pre-marital sex was because it always ended in babies and STDs. The guest stars were seemingly plucked of the streets. The celebrity guest stars included Tara Lipinski, Hilary Duff, Asslee Simpson, Ed Begley, Jr. and Lance Bass. Ewww.

In the finale, they even managed to out-annoy all other ridiculous plotlines with this gem:
Adding to the good cheer: Son Matt (departed original cast member Barry Watson, making a guest appearance) and his wife Sarah announced they are having twin boys. Pregnant daughter Lucy and her husband Kevin chimed in to say they're expecting twin boys, too. And, not to be outdone, daughter Mary (departed regular Jessica Biel, also back for the episode) and Carlos, reunited after a marital split, had their own scoop: They are expecting twin girls.

Six more Camdens to terrorize the world!?! Dear Lord. And you know they would have been totally special ed like the youngest twins the mother popped out for sweeps a few years ago because they refuse to cast people who can read.

God I hated this show. I'm choosing to ignore reports that the show could be resurrected on The CW for now. The thought of one of their precious programming hours going to this steaming pile of horse manure makes me cry in my heart. Good riddance, 7th Heaven.

UPDATE: The CW made the Baby Jesus cry. They've revived this craptastic enterprise after all. Cancelling the best family drama (Everwood) to bring back the worst in history. Pretty assy if you ask me. I guess it wouldn't be network TV if it didn't disappoint me.


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