Strange Things Are Afoot On MSN

What's this? A non-Olsen Twin-related Full House fandom resurgence on the Internet? Maybe Jodie Sweetin, who played the tragically annoying character Stephanie Tanner on the sitcom, is readying herself for a comeback. She's 23, so she could probably try for a guest shot on The OC. You know how they love introducing ridiculous tertiary characters that no one in the audience gives a rat's ass about. However, with Smallville and Veronica Mars both casting ABC sitcom buddy Jonathan Taylor Thomas (of Home Improvement "fame") recently, she might want to send headshots over there. She could play some sort of meteor shower mutant out to hurt that Lana Lang person like, oh, every Smallville guest star. Or maybe visit Veronica Mars as an 09er college kid having a torrid affair with Steve Guttenberg. The possibilities are endless!

RIP Pat Morita

Defamer's headline sums it up best. Thanks for all the wonderful memories. Except for "The Karate Dog." That wasn't so wonderful.

Do They Also Act In The Round?

This report from E!Online confirms what I've felt for years. 24 is becoming the Royal Shakespeare Company for the best B-movie actors in the business. With Warlock, RoboCop and Poltergeist Mom on board, we're in for one hell of a season.

"CLOCKING IN: Fox's 24 expanding its ensemble, with the addition of Julian Sands, Peter Weller and JoBeth Williams to the cast, per the Hollywood Reporter. The show's fifth season debuts Jan. 15. "

Speaking of Flames

I saw Titanic FIVE times in the movie theater, and I wasn't even the biggest Leo DiCaprio supporter at the time. Now its poster twin, Brokeback Mountain, is coming out (no pun intended) and looks to be just as scorching a love story. Only it has my beloved and extra hot Jake Gyllenhaal making out with Heath "Most of the Time My Hair Looks Super Grody, But Kristen Still Sorta Thinks I'm Handsome Anyway" Ledger. Mreow! I always believed in equal opportunity onscreen sexploits. Is it wrong that I'm this excited about no-subtext-required mainstream guy-on-guy action? Maybe, but I don't care. Cause being this wrong feels so right.

Flame On!

If you've ever wanted to get with Michael Flatley, "Lord of the Dance," Gawker has an opportunity you can't miss. And I have something your loved ones should read.

Maybe I'm Crazy

With the way things are going in the country, and the world at large, you'd think Jesse Jackson would be a little too busy to get involved in the T.O. situation. He's not on death row. His civil rights haven't been violated. He already has made more money than, oh, 95% of the country. So now Jesse's following Ralph Nader's lead? Come on Jesse. Surely you can find a better cause to get behind. I guess America's game really is football.

Yo, Stallone!

Fametracker has the line on (potential) future reworkings of Stallone classics. I'm most psyched about the Rhinestone sequel. Anything to hear Sly's dulcet tones once more: "Budweiser created a monnnnsterrr/and they call me/DRINKIN'STEIN".

T.O. Perspectives: ESPN And The Downfall Of A Crazy Man

Thanks to my boyfriend, I have become interested in football. More specifically, the Philadelphia Eagles. This means I am very well acquainted with the egomaniac named Terrell Owens. I have been completely captivated by this crazy story.

Today I finally read a column that discusses some of the issues I have been interested in as a dorky student of communications and the media. Specifically, the role media has played in this particular case. If there's one theme that keeps recurring with T.O., it's the addition of ESPN into the equation. ESPN interviewers, talk show hosts, analysts, and "journalists" have been active participants in the story, often fanning the flames. Michael Irvin is T.O.'s best buddy. Stephen A. Smith, who I think is somehow related by marriage to Owens, is still commenting on the situation like he's an impartial party. Some intern kid is able to ask T.O. just the right questions so he can sabotage his career (not hard to do considering he's a nutcase). And then Suzy Kolber, wearing a most unfortunate pink jacket with buckled epaulettes, spreads locker room gossip and basically drives inaccurate reports from all media outlets on Sunday.

ESPN gave this disturbed individual a celebratory forum, giving him all the rope he needed to hang himself. They're not guilty of ruining the Eagles' season or T.O.'s career. Only T.O. is culpable for that. But they've helped him in the way our celebrity spin machines do. Build up the hype, identify controversy, hype that up, then joyfully report the downfall.

This article's best quote: "Michael Irvin is to journalism what Liberace was to quantum physics." "Analysts" like Michael Irvin, the ultimate primadonna enabler, act as confidants to the player and then report those conversations, taking sides no rational person would be able to defend. You can't get involved in a story like that and then pretend you're an objective journalist when Steve Young asks you what you'd do in T.O.'s situation. He should stick to "acting" and watching TV with Peyton Manning.

Don't get me wrong. T.O. is out because T.O. is a selfish ass who can't shut up to save his soul (or career). But boy oh boy, ESPN sure helped him shorten his lifespan as an Eagle. And since they're the only ones benefiting from the situation right now, maybe T.O. should ask them to replace his missing salary.

Writing about sports other than figure skating or gymnastics on my blog...I really have been ruined by love.

Not Lovin' It - Hoedown Edition

Here's a video of Asslee Simpson taking on McDonalds employees in Canada. That's a chatty, wasted lipsyncher for you. Awesome.

*I know it's spelled ASHLEE, but her "oeuvre" is too ASSY to ignore.

K-FED EX: When It Absolutely, Positively Must Suck

Tracks from King of Trash Kevin Federline's debut album have just leaked. This MP3 clarifies that he does, in fact, go by K-Fed. It also confirms that Jay-Z and Eminem and Kanye and Fiddy and pretty much anyone who has had or will have a rap career in the history of mankind need not feel threatened. Even Vanilla Ice, because he already blazed his poseur trail long ago. What a terrible MC. No wonder Brit laughed her ass off when he shared these with her. K-Fed should stick to impregnating people, avoiding hygiene, and backup dancing. This is where his strength truly lies.

Sheesh

I take a short break from blogging, and the world just goes to hell. Bush nominates a woman-hatin' conservative "more Scalia than Scalia" justice to the SCOTUS. Silver Spoons/Valerie's Family/Hogan Family/Arrested Development hilarious cutie pie Jason Bateman goes under the knife. Michelle Williams,AKA Jen Lindley, FINALLY has her by now ancient baby with the tragically coiffed co-star of 10 Things I Hate About You. And finally, Christian Slater tries to break his neck in front of Paris Hilton. Up is down! White is black! The world is insane!

On a related note: Christian, once I almost fell off a roof during a party courtesy of Sutter Home's White Zinfandel, so I know what you're going through. Okay, twice. Of course, it wasn't reported beyond my circle of friends at that time. It also didn't involve the pointlessly famous, bitchy, stupid, slutty waste of a life and a family fortune that is Paris Hilton. Come on, guy! I used to worship you! Between Pump Up The Volume and Heathers, you were the snarky, intense heartthrob of a generation. Straighten up and fly right! Or at least hang out with cooler people when you're on the sauce.